I thought I was the only one
too quiet
too different
too sad.

I thought no-one would ever want me
or allow me to belong
I thought I had to change
but I didn’t know where to start
because I didn’t know what exactly was wrong.

I tried to ask for help
and I was met with shame
I tried to make sense of it
and I was met with blame
I dug deep into the wound
and opened it up again and again
to look for the answer
to show others I wasn’t built wrong
that I was in pain.

I was limping because I’d been injured
not because I was genetically flawed
and still I wasn’t believed
so I opened the wound more
so they could really see
so they would know what I was feeling
but all it did was set back my healing
again and again.

I was searching for support
where there was only judgment
I was looking for a cure
where there was none on offer.
Instead of focusing on mending
I focused on trying to prove
I wasn’t bad
for being too quiet, too different, too sad.

I was wounded
trying to repair the damage
and I thought I was the only one.

© Leanne Chapman 2015

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