You are supposed to bring your own noodle, she says.
No one told me this.
What they did tell me is that the aerobics class would be held in the indoor pool. Yet they are all in the outdoor pool, in the full sun.
I have no hat.
Fortunately I do have sunscreen. And a lady who arrives right after offers me her spare noodle.
I enjoy the class, they are friendly and I can keep up. I don’t get burnt.
But because of the way my nervous system has been impacted early in life, I focus on what is unsafe.
They can’t be trusted. They clearly don’t care about people. They didn’t give me the right information. It is not safe here.
My observer kicks in, the one who has been born from so many sessions of rewiring my traumatised nervous system. She steps out of the situation and shows it to me on a screen in my mind.
From outside the old story, I see that I am safe. My body wisdom allowed me to come in contact with someone who helped me. My intuition told me to wear sunscreen.
I override the false alarm blaring in my head. I buy a noodle. I go back. It’s $3 for half an hour of fun, exercise, laughter and cooling off in community.
I am waking up, rising slowly, reaching out, finding life.