What feeling are you creating?
I was wondering this week why I’ve achieved some of the things I’ve wanted to create in my life even though I don’t really know how I did it, while other goals still seem so elusive.
Then someone made a comment about how we’re really chasing the feeling inside our goals. I looked further into this and realised I’d been chasing the feeling of safety.
I’ve rarely felt safe and so all my goals that supported this feeling have been reached. I have a beautiful house I don’t have to share and a job that allows me to be at home a lot of the time.
Surprisingly travel makes me feel safe too. Whenever I’m in another country, I feel like I can step out of the identity I’ve been given and be someone who feels more like me. Someone I recognise and like.
But there are other goals I’ve struggled with. Sometimes I reach them and then move away from them again. I struggle to feel safe in community, and yet I crave it. I believe I’m the best version of myself when I’m in close connection with groups of people and feel like I belong.
But I’ve continually left jobs and relationships and cities and social groups, for what seemed like plausible reasons. I was still seeking the feeling of safety, and for me that comes with solitude.
So instead of futilely chasing these goals when a part of me is not supporting them, I’m getting inside the feeling that matches my goals:
How do I behave when I feel loved and valued? What do I do differently when I feel as though I belong? When are the times I’ve felt like this already?
In the meantime, I’m affirming to myself daily that I am safe. That goal has already been reached and I don’t have to keep chasing it, so I need to help my brain catch up with that fact. Otherwise there’ll continue to be a clash in reaching goals.
What feelings are you creating? Are they moving you towards what you really want?