Five Steps To…
Letting Go Of What’s Not Working In Your Relationships
Step 1: Focus on what you want
We all have different ideas about what a great relationship or friendship involves, but chances are if you ask someone what they want in a relationship, they’ll end up telling you what they DON’T want. We don’t want to be taken for granted, we don’t want to be yelled at, we don’t want to be take advantage of, etc.
In order to let go of what’s not working, we need to focus on what we DO want instead. It’s hard to let go of something, even if it’s not working, when we don’t know what to put in its place.
Write down a short list of non-negotiables that you want and need in your relationships, and look for people who can offer this.
Step 2: Focus on what’s already working
Often we’re so focused on what we still don’t have or what hasn’t worked out for us that we overlook what we already DO have.
Maybe your partner still forgets to take the bin out, stays out too late with his friends on Friday night, and forgets your anniversary. But if he does most of the cooking, supports your dreams and makes you laugh, you have something to be grateful for.
When we focus so much on what we don’t have, we don’t get to enjoy what’s already here for us. Try telling your partner, family members and friends one thing each week that you’re grateful to them for.
Step 3: Stop being a mind reader
Sometimes we think we know someone so well that we can tell exactly what they’re thinking or why they did something. We might even be right some of the time, but a lot of the time we’ll be wrong. Being very familiar with someone doesn’t give us the ability to read their minds, it just makes us more likely to think we can.
If you want to know what your partner, friend or family member is thinking, ask them.
Step 4: Stop expecting others to read your mind
Most people are focused on themselves, their work, their kids, the traffic, the bills and a hundred other things. It doesn’t mean you’re not a priority if they don’t pick up on what you’re thinking or feeling, but just as you can’t read minds, neither can they.
Don’t drop hints. Stop thinking ‘if they really knew me, they’d know how I felt’. Say what you mean. Ask for what you want. Be clear and direct.
Step 5: Notice the good things
We’re so quick to notice and point out the things that annoy us. We use shoulds and oughts and judge the behaviour of others by our own frame of reference. Too much of this can be a real downer on relationships.
Share the good stuff too. Tell your partner how grateful you are that she hung the washing out, let your friends know what a difference their support meant when you were sick, thank your siblings for being such a great help with your kids.
People remember how we make them feel. Help them to feel good about themselves and that’s what they’ll remember when they think about spending time with you.
If these tips were helpful, please share them with your family and friends so they can benefit too.
These five steps are only the beginning! Empower yourself further with the 10 day Truth program. Discover your unique expression and share it with the world.
Image courtesy of news.com.auShare