‘There must be those among whom we can sit down and weep

and still be counted as warriors.’

—  Adrienne Rich —

I used to tell everybody everything. I had no boundaries. Most people said I was wallowing and stuck in the past.

In reality I was looking for a companion in my grief so I could do the work of healing.

I had to learn that many people can’t hold our stories, they are too much. But some can. Grief needs companionship.

Anyone who has followed me for a while will know I am a big advocate for feeling the feelings, that I believe having space and support to express normal reactions to the events in our lives is of paramount importance to good mental health.

You’ll also know that this isn’t a popular view in Western society, and as a result there are many things we are discouraged from sharing.

When we offer to share of ourselves honestly we can be met with pleas to let it go, and so we never truly know each other.

There are so many things we cannot say in the realm of everyday living. But safety comes from connection with likeminded others with whom you can weep and still be counted as a warrior.

In my one to one work and online courses, I create spaces for people to do this.

And so I wrote this for you…

Your dark spaces contain treasures that were meant for the light. When illuminated, they light up the world.

You put them away because there were those around you who sat in the shadows, for whom your light was too bright, illuminating the things they could not bear to see.

These treasures are things that can never now glow in the places where they should have been shining. This is a loss without end, and even though there will always be someone to tell you it was a long time ago, this is not the truth.

Such loss is new every morning, along with the wondering about why others don’t notice your daily struggle to keep the spark alive.

Those who do understand welcome your sacred light. We cup our hands around it and breathe life into the flame. We lay virtual hands on your heart to acknowledge its breaking.

We support the many feelings fighting to come into the light now the door has opened.  We ask that you be gentle with them and let them come when and only when you’re ready to greet them.

Your light is not beyond our capacity to witness, and its glow will be seen by generations of eyes accustomed to supernovas.

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